Personal R & D

just visiting

2006-09-21T13:37:00.000-04:00

of previous manufacture (for Ico)

2006-09-21T13:19:00.002-04:00

I have stayed here in infancy and simplicity
stood by a safety of intellectual imperative
that echos of a certain eastern wisdom,
but has been wielded in convenient conviction

the fear that never learned to see itself
now revealed and emptied of it's power
this doorway is fully 3D and unknown to me
no single way of expressing or negating remains

i must find my own way through this
safety and assuredness
will no longer do
on this ancient thresh-hold i have lingered
and have yet to fully pass through

who is it here that readily answers
without questioning, denying more than revealing

the mouthing of words, the uninhabited ideal must give way
to the key that it stands in for
assumption of wisdom
lifted and examined with care
for signs of weakness and shoddy manufacture

if negation is merely a technique
then it is not seeing but blindness in me

Not dead yet

2006-09-20T11:41:00.000-04:00

Waking from a dream

where i was accepted,
risking romance and adventure again

i realized several things:

i have not been honest with myself, totally
and therefore with no-one else

A) the holy man ~ teacher

B) the rockstar , Dj , idiot savant

the opportunist lives in all of them,
each avoiding the existence of the other

of course, the truth is none of the above.. and all,
several personas, the same self-creation in each

each of them hiding
the survivor,
the manipulator of realities, disciplines and nothing

an ardent desire to be of value

rock the decks, shout my truths, allied with the creator,
(who, invisible in my corner, has an encouraging smile & looks my way)

in the dream that plays in my mirror,
i rock the masses with reverence and love.

but the true talent is for hiding
in a multitude of personas
that do wish for something, what?

to be accepted, authenticated, comfirmed as worthy at last.
none of them, all of them, so why the mask?

embarrassed...anticipating rejection, wings clipped
angry at dad/god for that, and mom, for loving me anyway
accepting that judgement, the demonic wins the race
(or has until now)

well, i'm not dead yet

i haven't decided if that's good or bad
(or two of them have, the rest waiting to see which wins)

oh what a crazy dream this life has become
maybe i don't need them so desperately,
just my true eyes in my head

9/20/06

war of knowledge

2006-09-20T11:24:00.000-04:00

The contents of consciousness: Knowledge... is the past.
Actual "Intelligence" is it's alternative; cognizance of the situation we find ourselves in now.
This situation constantly develops and causes new types of knowledge
analyzed and reproduced, they spread.

No one can claim to know what will or will not happen in the future.
But it's pretty obvious if we don't change direction we are doomed.
Do you really think the current power struggle and war between the religious fundamentalists is just going to suddenly resolve itself?
Israel is still a stupid mess and powers are lining up to use the deadly power we now almost have no control over.
It has come to my attention that the "powers that be", the Cabal etc. are intent on some very strange things for possibly even stranger reasons, and may not know what the true source of their repressive agenda is!

We will probably not co-habitate this planet cooperatively,
until it becomes absolutely neccesary for survival.
That will be sooner rather than later... or not at all.
The old ways and consciousness = doomed
Simply because we are not able to respond to the situation we are in now with our previous knowledge and attitude.
It's like trying to navigate the globe with a map of our home state.

I don't think 2012 is an unrealistic estimate of the inevitable brick wall for the ignorant, aggressive and intolerant, either as a result of an imbalance in planetary health (earth changes, pole shift, earthquakes, etc),
"limited" or full out nuclear war.

There is another factor in this 2012 deadline with reality.
I will remain close lipped about it here, except to refer anyone to the source of this rather startling information. (cassiopaea.org)

Survival of the race is not the main point to dwell on to actually SOLVE this problem, because this selfish clawing, fear-based way of thinking/living is what got us here in the first place.
If we are not able to see where we err and correct it in time, we don't fit the criteria for survival anyway.

Unless there is understanding of the root of these and all human problems -
the ignorance or mistake of the mind in constantly identifying self versus "others" (false duality) and the resulting dangerous emotions and reactions it engenders,
on a personal level, there will be no end to violence.
As long as violence is justified and consciousness is generally so dense, it will escalate us into near extinction.

The individual can realize the solution by facing the actual problems,
instead of the petty squabbles for land and power and ironically,
survival on a tribal level.
This is our personal and then global challenge.
Once enough people are suffiantly awake to the dangers of basic ignorance, the tide can be turned and the technical problems can be worked out.

some personal history, notes

2006-09-18T00:17:00.000-04:00

This is a blog for those who want to know more...
and so i don't have to write a personal or separate email to everyone.
Let's start at nearer the beginning to get the past out of the way~

MUSIC: well that covers a lot of ground and history, so I'll keep it simple as possible but with a bit of story-telling for entertainment.

1a. Composer of electronic tracks~
since @1992...these are intended mainly for dance clubs but end up being mostly for listening and leg jiggling and toe tapping, and bus/subway companions for friends.

Had my own underground record Label called "White Buffalo Records" in NYC in 96/97

Also had a "legendary" underground recording Studio "Subterrain" on 295 E. 8th st @ave B, (East Village or "loisida") . 1650 Sq Ft "loft" in the groundfloor/basement of a loft building that was built in 1890 by Calvert Vaux. Originally a "Catholic home for orphaned newsboys and bootblacks" and was later converted to a Hebrew School (and quite haunted!).

Started the studio in 1990 and recorded a lot of singer/songwriters and some bands.
Then as i began to specialize in electronic:
~hip hop artists, DJ's, producers, remixes, commercials, film tracks and scores.
Closed the studio and moved out in 97 (burnt out... lol).
The east village had changed a lot and i got sick of living half underground and owed too much back rent to see the point in staying there when the rent got jacked up.

But life was never the same after moving from the "party loft". That was my NY "heyday" as anyone who knew me from that time could tell you. I did a lot of work there. One remix session lasted 36 hours straight. Learned a lot about vocal coaching, recording production and computer/electronic programming.
We had big parties, debuted bands there, smoked a lot of spliffs and no matter what was happening we always broke for the Simpsons, the only hard and fast rule of the studio (besides full cash payment on mix-down).

Some "friends" who lived at the loft with me...John, guitarist from "Codein", (John was the top scorer of the full size arcade game, "MIssile Command", i had at the studio...He basically wore a ratty bathrobe all day in front of the game when not with his girlfriend or with the band).
We met working at a Photo lab downtown together with Cindy, from "The Lunachicks".
Dylan and "the Fly" from "Chemlab" who toured with NIN, and turned me on to making industrial tracks. At that time I had just started using Atari/Cubase and Samplers, a lot of old roland synths including a TB606 and a TB303! (which i traded for a Nord lead in '97).

b. Very few of my current or virtual friends are aware that i played lead guitar in bands since i was a wee boy of (6'1"). originally electric blues/rock till @1976 at which point i quit the touring and playing clubs that i had been doing since 1973. I became interested solely in writing and singing my own songs, of which i have an extensive catalogue. Most of which i can't remember, but if pressed i could play some of the nuggets.

c. I have a pretty good singing voice, though my upper range is affected by:

-how much meditation i'm currently doing (which lately has been a lot), because it supports the diaphragm in a BIG way.
- how much trees i have been smoking (which since july '06 has been NONE!)
since it basically constricts the larynx.

I will now have to get my vocals into the electronic production realm as it is a shame to waste it and people can relate to vocal tracks easier, it makes more money, and my family would be very pleased if i did. Big TIme/Pop ambitions... lol.

2) DJing since '98
Turned on to Electronic Muzic/Techno and Trance basically by Euro friends... one Itialian friend, Glauco Tomaso, who was one of my regular clients in the early 90's but then went on to create one of the most intense Analogue recording studios in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Ironically he is a monster rock drummer and recording engineer.
But mostly a big wave of Irish immigrants that i used to hang and jam with in the E.village back before there was ANYTHING going on there, electronically anyway, besides a few tiny lounges. Including Marcus, a legendary NY DJ from Ireland who i am forever indebted to!

First love was _Ambient Techno_ and _Acid House_ (remember That?)
Then _TRip HOp_
Got into _Drum and Bass_ briefly then decided i couldn't do everything and got very Steeped in
_HOUSE Music_!
I do like some _Electro_
and _Breaks_ old and Nu school, have been a part of my love from the beginning

I have over 300 records and now am collecting MP3's to DJ electronically since it is so much easier than buying, sorting, maintaining and carrying my beloved vinyl records.

"Final Scratch" is at the top of my "to buy" list since i have enough computers, synths and soft synths and software now to last me for a while.

3) Awareness, Meditation and Dialogue

So called Spiritual Awakening and work became my priority in 1976 when i basically got out of the Rock and Roll circus at the august age of 18. Joined "The Rochester Zen Center" in 1977, a legendary community in upstate NY. The big group Split in two in 1983 and i went with the Non Buddhist element, which eventually became "The Springwater Center" in upstate NY. It's a non-affiliated retreat center which i still go to and spend several months at each year.
The Springwater Center

Starting to research and explore a much wider area of experience/understanding via internet communities and friends, notably: Noble Realms

Though meditation and dialogue is still the base, am now creating/discovering a broader outlook that embraces a lot of old and new knowledge, disciplines and inner technologies.

There are factors specific to this point in time/cycle that is perhaps a unique opportunity explore
consciousness/awareness/energy. These factors are several but some revolve around the inevitable conclusion (for myself and many others) that we are at the end of of a number of very long cycles simultaneously. 2012 marks the end of a grand cycle.

Is there any doubt that things are speeding up and becoming more intense on a lot of levels?

The weather, the cabal, psychic powers, frequent synchronicities, new modes of thought and communication.
It may sound odd right now, but i think this will become familiar to a great many people within a relatively short period of time.
Enjoy it.
This is/may be a culmination and meeting/zero point of quite a bit of history and energy on the planet.
I realize this is not for everyone.
But there will be/are trigger events and individuals that you may want to find out more about.
Why not? (see the links in the "anteroom"/home)

Life is a great mystery.
One that i very much enjoy and we all participate in as an interdependent whole, whether we realize it or not.

As i'm writing now, on the porch of a big old house overlooking Keuka lake in Upstate NY, the sky has gone dark and thunder is rolling across the sky and lake.
It has been cloudy or raining (lightly mostly), but on and off for several weeks it seems.
Lightning flashing now and again, the lake and the trees are still and subdued and the lake has become a steel grey color.
mosquitos are starting to circle my hand and the screen as i write.
They are not so bad.
The rain comes gently now.

The past is gone, the future is yet to be,
But this awesome Now is always with us.

Peace and much love, Jay